For the first 22 years of my life, I didn’t really dream that often. I’d have dreams that I remembered every few nights. Normal dreams, nightmares, whatever. I didn’t have any of them that often (They say you dream every night, it’s just whether or not you remember it, but that’s not the point I’m making).
After my last relationship ended, I weirdly started having dreams a lot more regularly. I don’t think that the two events were necessarily related, but they did happen around the same time. I went from having vaguely memorable dreams a few times a month to having vivid dreams a couple times a week. For the most part, I’ve enjoyed it. I seem to feel more well-rested when I wake up remembering what I had dreamed about the night before. But obviously, if you dream, you’re going to have bad dreams too. Those are the ones I need to write about today.
Starting back in December, I started to have dreams about people. I would have dreams about being in a relationship with someone. Not anyone in particular, though there were a couple of people I was romantically interested in at the time. Without attempting to sound too melodramatic, I was pretty lonely back then and so it only made sense that I’d have dreams like this. But everything felt good in those dreams. You know that feeling you get when you meet someone new and you’re interested in them? You get butterflies. You wake up excited to talk to someone again. The whole time you’re with them, you’re just elated. I felt those feelings in those dreams and when I woke up alone with no real chance of being with these people, I was sad for the rest of the day.
Those dreams happen a lot less lately, though they still pop up from time to time. Lately, they’ve been replaced by dreams about the girl that I dated most recently. We knew each other for 3 weeks before I ended up breaking things off, so I’m exceptionally bothered by these dreams. Saturday night, I relived my entire first date with this girl in my dreams. The entire fucking thing. Details about that night that I didn’t even remember made their way back into my mind as we retraced our steps.
Funny enough, I didn’t remember what I dreamed about when I first woke up. Things felt off and then about midway through Sunday afternoon, I remembered what I thought was something that had happened the day before. Then I realized it was a memory from about a month ago and it was fresh because I’d just relived it.
It’s incredibly irritating. Whether I’m reliving dates or dreaming about being with someone, it throws me off for most, if not all, of the day. I’ve been trying to sleep less lately to minimize my chances of having dreams like this because it’s just not that awesome to deal with as often as I have been these last few months. My only hope is that they either go away or my reality gets good enough that these dreams don’t bother me anymore.
On the bright side, I had a zombie apocalypse dream two weekends ago and that was pretty fucking cool.